This is my testimony of how loving, patient our God is. A testimony of how prayer does work to save your loved ones. But most importantly this is testimony of how Jesus died for me and saved me from sin and from the pits of hell.
The following my upset you, it might make you mad or upset, but it is what I have lived through, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Born in 1975 to Bruce and Faith Ballinger in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. My father was a musician and a worship leader at Kennedy Road Tabernacle in Toronto. Really the only memories I have of my childhood there was playing in the snow, playing in the church, and visiting relatives homes. I do remember that my mother and I sat on the front row of the church during services. I also recall my loving mother walking me up the steps of the platform and delivering me to my father during church on service, as I would not sit still. Looking at my children now I understand the frustration my mother had and laugh about it.
In 1980 my family moved to Houston, Texas. I remember the only thing I knew about Texas was information that I had learned from watching The Lone Ranger on television. To my surprise they were no tumbleweeds blowing down the dirt roads when I exited the airport! Pastor Wilkerson and his wife picked us up in their car; I sat in between my parents in the back and recall my first introduction to Texan talk. “I’m so tiiiiiiiieerrrd.” The pastor’s wife said aloud, and I was puzzled at what I had heard. I asked my mother “what did she say?” and of course I said it in a loud voice. I remember my mum laughing and whispering to me at a low voice with a chuckle in her voice, “she’s tired sweetie.” I had to learn a lot in this new land and was excited to see what else was in store.
My father was the new worship leader for Evangelistic Temple (ET) in Houston, Texas. The church had two campus’ one in the heart of the city, and the other north in a developing area. I remember walking into the Sunday morning service and feeling the presence of God. I have no doubt in my mind that is what it was or is, even as a small child I knew it. It was thick, we entered the church (all ready in worship on a Sunday) and it flowed over me. It was thick to walk through it; it was thick to breathe it in. No matter what I will always have that memory of ET for the first time. I remember one Sunday giving my heart to Jesus, and being baptized in water. My father and mother worked hard in the church and I was there too, under the pew, in the gym, or running through the parking lot to the apartments across the way. If we weren’t at home we were at church. It was my second home and I wasn’t mad for that is all I knew.
In 1985 my sister was born, Elizabeth. She was a miracle that I myself had prayed for. I was sitting in church on Sunday morning and I remember there was a special speaker there. He announced that he wanted to pray for all the ladies that were trying to become pregnant and were having difficulties doing so. Of course I with my loud little voice leaned over to my mother and said, “Stand up mum, we want a baby don’t we?” The speaker looked at my mum and then looked at my father on the platform and said that he better had join his wife and son while he prayed for us. Laughing my mother and father joined each other with me and he prayed. I was upset later that week for I had no sibling to play with. Thinking that it would only take a week, in 1985 Elizabeth joined our family.
Later that year my father left ET to take a role in a church in Denver Colorado. My parents lived a split life, father stayed in Denver and mum stayed here to sell the house. It wasn’t long before we say all the houses around our house sale, and not even a bite on our home. My dad took that as a word, and came home. My father then started his own ministry called Ballinger Music Ministries. The family kept ET as our home church and I started getting involved with the youth group. My dad traveled across the nation, I remember him gone more than he was home.
I planted myself in the church, getting my first job in the church, working in and with the youth, getting involved with the sound and lighting of the church. I didn’t know anything else, and was growing spiritually. I found my knack with electronics and my love for music made sound engineering my love. I would help out with any concerts and any outreach the church had.
My father came home and started again in a local church in Humble. I, myself had started to explore the world a little more, found a girlfriend that wasn’t a Christian. Found my self in situations that I shouldn’t have been in but it was new to me. I soon found myself out of God’s will, and quickly made my way back. Attending a church in Humble with my family I once again felt that thick presence of God. I remember standing and not wanting to move, basking in His glory, till it slowly lifted from the room.
Once again I started to date out side my church, I fell in love with a beautiful woman, and asked her to marry me. At this time I again went to go work in the church as the communication director over media. Life was in full swing, I moved out into my own place, had a job I loved and I was present for all the services and even had angelic visitations in my life while at church. I then married the woman I fell in love with but we were unequally yoked with our faiths.
I soon left the church and started to work with sound and lighting through out the city. God continued to bless me in work, but I walked away from Him. I stopped going to church, I became bitter towards churchgoers, as it would only fuel me in my backslidden. Soon my marriage showed signs of problems. We had a child but soon after it was dissolved and I was divorced. I continued to walk away from God.
My parents and family prayed for me everyday. I’m sure that even some of you reading this now had me in your prayers. I was on a continual downward spiral. I soon found work in a national electronics chain, and God once again blessed me in my work and I was able to move up through the chain of business. I can even remember once being asked while on a project in California “Leigh what are you doing here? How did you get here and what are your plans?” “Simple,” I replied “I am running away from God, I know that I’ve been called by Him, but that’s not for me.” The scary part is that I knew the sad part was, that I knew.
My mother grew sick and was diagnosed with cancer, my father had become ill earlier and was not thinking correctly. I soon lost my mum to cancer, and I was mad about it. A woman who lived her life dedicated to serving God and her husband. A woman who loved her husband even though he had slowly slipped away from reality and from her. I blamed God, I blamed my dad, and I blamed myself. Further down the rabbit’s hole I fell. I remember being out side of the church before her memorial and people I had known growing up from the church arriving from all parts of life. I stood outside and smoked a cigarette in plain view to show them I was not ashamed to show whom I truly was, but in all reality I was scared to death.
When in a world of hurt, in a world of confusion, you would think that our Christian believers would be at my side during this time. Being a worship leaders son, a pastor son, you would think that our Christian family would have smothered me with love, but they didn’t. I don’t know if I snaked out of the way from it or that they just assumed that someone else was doing it. Comfort was shown to me by my friends of the world, they could see the pain I was in and offered what they had to dull it. Alcohol and drugs became a part of my life. I made bad decisions on all walks of my life, with my daughter, with my x-wife, with my sister. Even disconnecting my self from my father who was not getting better with his health.
My sister called me once morning asking where I was or if I was close. She came to the job I was at to let me know that our father had died. This time I didn’t even wait for it I went straight to the numbing power I had all ready known would work with the drugs and alcohol.
I moved my way up through business and lived a lifestyle of the now. Big TV’s, traveled all the time, money success, and still I had my vices with me at all times. My family still prayed for me every day, and when I would talk to them, they would let me know, “Leigh you know your not walking with God. You know He has called you, we pray for you every day Leigh, we love you.” I knew it, there was no way that I didn’t. Still I walked my way, but God would soon put His loving finger into my life and swirl me around.
2007 I was in Brownsville, Texas on an overnight project. Thus meaning that I slept during the day and worked through out the night. Near the end of the project I awoke one day in a violent way, my bed was drenched in sweat, sheets were pulled and laying on the floor and my heart was racing 100 miles an hour. I could not recall any of the dream that had thrown me into such a torment, but it scared me what ever it was, and it was far from over. The next day while sleeping I had the same if not more real experience again happen, heart racing but still no clue to what had transpired in my dream to cause such a result, God was getting my attention when I was completely in His hands and had no distractions. The next day, same as before, I awoke with more intensity than ever before but this time the dream was alive in me still. I could recall it step for step, word for word, and it was more real than life itself. I was on a platform; dressed in black pants, white shirt and tie (I know this for it stuck out in my mind as I hadn’t worn a tie since my parents funeral). I had a mic in my hand and I was preaching and it was powerful, I felt the presence of God that I had known my whole life and it was thick. I was preaching about leaving your comfort zone as a Christian, and I was calling the people to the front. To leave there comfort zones for God moves only when you follow Him there. I had the same moment repeat again and again, 5 times and then I awoke in terror, sweat covered my bed, sheets on the floor, and I was shacking from head to toe. I wont lie I was scared; I got up from the bed and grabbed a cigarette and started to rationalize my feelings. I started to talk to God about how I couldn’t do that, there was no way, and He let me talk and talk and talk. Soon my body stopped shaking and I calmed down. I remember calling my sister on the phone and telling her a little about the dream and what had happened. She had asked me what I was going to do, that question resonated in my head, what are you going to do Leigh?
I couldn’t go and preach, the job I had was to involving and I traveled across the US and was gone for weeks at a time. The lifestyle that went with the job didn’t encourage a Christian lifestyle, and these were my rock points that I used to tell God that I couldn’t possibly do what had happened in the dream. If you ever want to run from God, don’t ever give Him the points of why you wont do what He has called you for, for when you do this, He knows then what you will need to see that He is in control.
I returned home to find that my fiancé had committed us to go to church the next week. So that Sunday I put on some nice clothes and put my church face on that I had thought I had lost and we went to church. We sat in the back and during the praise and worship my soul cried, I felt my heart wrench through my body, it was yearning to worship God, and I stood there. I listened to the sermon and controlled my emotions during the alter call and stood there, in the back of the church while my soul and heart wanted to race to the front and fall at the alter, I stood there. It was a quite ride home as God was pulling on both of us.
3 weeks later I received a phone call, the one thing that I used as an excuse for not following God, my job that I had worked on, that I had promoted through the ranks on, that I…received a call on, was gone. As I hung up the phone and stood on the porch I heard the voice of God say to me, “Well Leigh, now your mine and you have nothing stopping you.”
Now don’t think for one moment that my grandmother or aunts and uncles had ever stopped praying for me. Every day they cried out for me to return to the God that loved me, cried out for Jesus to bring me home, every day. These prayers bombarded heaven every day for me. Don’t doubt for a minute that if I had died during this time, I know and I would have told you I was on my way to hell. My life started out planted in church and with a relationship with Christ, but I had chosen to walk away from it, to run away from it and up to this point I was on my way to hell.
Immediately after hanging up the phone I knew what I had to do. I walked inside and asked for the churches phone number. I called the church and asked for the pastor, “I need to come and meet with you as soon as possible” the words still now echo in my head. The next day couldn’t come quick enough.
Wednesday morning at 10 am, September 21 in Batson, Texas; my beautiful fiancé and I dropped to our knees with leadership from the pastor and his wife and asked Jesus to forgive us for our sins, tears streaming down my face I confessed my sins and put my life back into place with our loving God. At that moment years of prayers were answered. God healed my bitter heart, He forgave me and separated my sin from me as far as the east is to the west, Jesus and a host of angles were celebrating with my parents at their side, for their son, His son, who was lost in a world of pain was found and restored. Praise the Lord!
I am here living the life I have left for Him, in every way asking Him what and where He would have me to go. I have seen, heard, learned from my past. With this the answer: that no matter what the sin, He is ready and willing to forgive you.
I thank God everyday for my beautiful wife Tela and family, I pray that if you need to know this God or if you have never heard of Jesus let me be the one to introduce you. Please get in touch with me and lets get you started on your life with a purpose!
I was blind but now I see, I was lost but now I am found, because of Jesus I will not spend eternity in hell but in heaven. Thank you to all that had me in your prayers, for He does answer prayer, amen!
Leigh now lives in Daisetta, Texas with his family. Tela (wife), 3 boys and 1 girl.
